There were several times in my 20’s and early 30’s that I just gave up for a few years, frustrated at my inability to see past the shiny exterior at the junker underneath.I read every self-help book there was about women who pick the wrong men. If there was a tactic, I tried it, a set of rules, I followed them, but the end result, with limited exceptions, was almost always the same.But the very last thing you need when you have a brain bursting with dopamine and overrun with oxytocin is your feet leave the ground.When we spend our time in magic land, we create the version of the person we are dating that we like best, which is easier when we aren’t seeing all those pesky red flags.So, having a brain full of dopamine is pretty great and being in a new relationship is also pretty great and when you combine them it is very easy to want to make those great things happen ALL THE TIME!I don’t even need to explain why this is so unhealthy or how it contributes to/exacerbates the other mistakes above.Rather than being “a broken man magnet” or “so desperate she’ll date anything”, I began to see how my ADHD impacted everything about my romantic relationships. There are many things about having ADHD that make my life amazing and better than it would be without it, but when it came to relationships, it is my Achilles heel.
It may make you think of kids who have trouble paying attention or who are hyperactive or impulsive. Plus, some people with ADHD can be withdrawn and antisocial.
New love is incredibly interesting and produces a ton of dopamine and oxytocin.
Unfortunately, this often means we go so fast that we end up making Mistake #2.
If there is one thing that characterized every relationship I have ever been it, it is this.
ADHDers fall fast and they fall hard which unfortunately means they don’t often fall for the actual person they are dating.