I would spend a year or two supporting an emotionally unavailable jackass who did nothing but make me feel bad about myself.
One of the most transformative things about my diagnosis was getting to re-write this part of my story. It was the reason I was willing to rationalize away almost every kind of bad behavior….after all, I was no picnic myself.
Rather than being “a broken man magnet” or “so desperate she’ll date anything”, I began to see how my ADHD impacted everything about my romantic relationships. There are many things about having ADHD that make my life amazing and better than it would be without it, but when it came to relationships, it is my Achilles heel.
So, in honor of Valentine’s Day, here are the 6 dating mistakes adults with ADHD are apt to make.
But the very last thing you need when you have a brain bursting with dopamine and overrun with oxytocin is your feet leave the ground.
When we spend our time in magic land, we create the version of the person we are dating that we like best, which is easier when we aren’t seeing all those pesky red flags.
I don’t even need to explain why this is so unhealthy or how it contributes to/exacerbates the other mistakes above.We create this perfect version of who we are with this person.We create this perfect version of who the two of us are together.We ADHDers are really great at creating this kinds of places and we really like to spend a lot of time there.But when your head is in the clouds, it is difficult to stay grounded.I blame all that dopamine and oxytocin racing around in our brains and making us feel so good that anything bad just doesn’t exist.Unfortunately, this makes it almost impossible to do that thing “daters” are supposed to do – learn enough about the other person to decide whether or not we actually like them.This is a step we often miss and when we do, we may find ourselves laying on the ground, with a banged up heart, wondering what the hell just happened.One of the hallmarks of my past relationships was that I never noticed all those red flags on the road to rock bottom… This is an example of what can happen when we hyperfocus on the relationship in the early stages and put all our efforts towards making it work.This doesn’t always mean jumping in the sack too soon, but often times that is part of these kinds of light speed relationships.If you think about the dynamics of a new relationship, it’s easy to see why this happens.