In the first few weeks and months of dating, as our best selves are presented, we've found ourselves thinking, Finally, a guy who isn't emotionally stunted! But at some point, the curtain is pulled back just like in the "Wizard of Oz" and, yup, his emotional issues are right there. If his mother expected him to be "the man of the family," he may be looking for a woman who is helpless and needs taking care of. What he really needs: To realize that you are NOT his mother.
These dudes are stuck in emotional "playpens" preventing them from forming healthy (and intimate) adult relationships and where the women in their lives are in the position of either pushing them around like toddlers in a baby carriage or screaming "Get up and walk on your own! Usually, emotional immaturity isn't obvious right away. If his mother abandoned him, he may be looking for a clingy lady.The Insecure Narcissist: Initially, this gentleman comes off as exceedingly confident -- he thinks he's the best at his job, takes good care of his appearance, and is often the life of the party.But he also cannot take a joke at his expense, overstates how successful he is, and is never happy for anyone who's doing "better" than him -- including the woman he's with.The woman he wants: A woman who will see his gooey marshmallow center underneath that hardened edge and will exhaust herself trying to save him from himself.What he really needs: To gain perspective and to learn, on his own, that bad things happen to everyone in some form and the best you can do is move forward in your life with lessons learned.Rather, he needs to look at the demise of the relationship objectively so he's forced to acknowledge his role and can move forward in a new relationship with no (or minimal) baggage. The Eeyore: Thanks for noticing him, the dull, pathetic, dude in the corner who is not actually dull and pathetic. Dating abuse (also known as dating violence, intimate partner violence, or relationship abuse) is a pattern of abusive behaviors -- usually a series of abusive behaviors over a course of time -- used to exert power and control over a dating partner.The woman he wants: Someone who reinforces his anger at his ex by committing the same "sins" she did. Unfortunately for both of them, he'll never be able to work through his anger completely with that kind of black-and-white attitude in which he's the sole victim. What he really needs: To stop feeling sorry for himself and take responsibility for what happens in his life.What he really needs: To find closure with the woman who "wronged him," but not necessarily through confrontation. The sooner he realizes that life is what you make it, the sooner he'll have some much-needed company in his bed. Every relationship is different, but the things that unhealthy and abusive relationships have in common are issues of power and control.Violent words and actions are tools an abusive partner uses to gain and maintain power and control over their partner.