But if the values are significantly different, it’s unlikely that even the best communication will be enough. This is fine, you may say, for engaged couples who have not yet made a marriage commitment, but what about us married couples? A lot depends on the severity of differences and whether there are compromises that both spouses can tolerate. It might be necessary to violate a loyalty if another’s safety is at risk.
I would never want a spouse to violate his/her conscience in order to please a mate, but sometimes one spouse may be too scrupulous. I don’t plan on having an affair but who knows the future.
These will not change without violating one’s integrity and conscience.
Yes, communication is vital, and if couples don’t have good communication skills, learning them can be a marriage saver. The answer is that prevention is always preferable but seldom is a situation hopeless.
Over time they may learn that not everything is black and white. Sure, but some commitments are just too hard to keep.
He supports her and does not interfere with her Sunday worship, even though he doesn’t find it important for himself. COMMON VALUES ASSESSMENT Circle the values that are most important to you.
The bottom line often came down to either very different personalities or very different values.
The other significant variable was the inability of at least one partner to make a lasting commitment. Friends are nice, but family and spouse are more important.
I tell my students that it’s fine to differ on one or two elements of the Myers- Briggs Type Indicator, but if you differ on three or four and the differences are great, you’ll probably have a lot of stress in your marriage. If one spouse values a simple lifestyle and the other values accumulating wealth, it doesn’t matter how well they communicate, their basic life orientation will present constant opportunities for conflict.
If one spouse values faith and the other resents religion, conflict is inevitable. I believe in being flexible and spontaneous, not being uptight.