We’re having sex together, so any problems I’m having like this are supposed to be things you care about, too. I wish I was, but I’ve just been so stressed out, these antidepressants are doing a serious number on me, and I also think I’m just feeling unresolved with where we’re at with other parts of our relationship lately. You: I just didn’t want you to feel bad, and I don’t know how to tell you when it’s happening. You: I’m sorry: I can understand you being so upset with me and feeling like that. It’s just that, for starters, I need you to put less pressure on me to orgasm.I think you do, but you’re too upset to have this talk now. Them: I can understand that, even though I wish you felt better. You: Maybe we could spend the time we have together for a while either just snuggling, or doing some different things together? I feel like you get really frustrated with me when I don’t come, and like a lot of the time, it’s seemed easier to just pretend. I feel like such an asshole: I must be awful in bed! Do you want me to keep talking, or do you need a minute? When you get so frustrated, it’s pretty hard for me to stay excited.So, I’m going to go home for now, but I’ll call you in a little bit and we can talk more if you want, or you can call me when you’ve cooled off. I know you like it, so I’ve tried it, but I’m just not into it and it doesn’t make me feel good. You: I was still making up my mind, but I was also worried because it seems like everybody does it and likes it, so I felt like a jerk or a prude and was also really worried you’d just want to find somebody else who would do it. Them: Well, you like and I don’t, and while I wish I did, because it’d make you happy, I know that you wouldn’t want me to do anything I didn’t like, and that sex where we both aren’t into something just isn’t any good. I know you love Chocolate ice cream, but – and this isn’t easy for me to say – I’ve got to be honest, I’m a Mint Chocolate Chip guy. And maybe we could also talk some more about that fight we had last week? Too, I think it’d help if we did more things with sex, or spent more time with those things, that were more likely to get me there.I don’t want you to do things you don’t like: there are plenty of things we both like, and we don’t have to like all the same things. And I guess you could help by just not talking about how hot that is, and obviously by not asking me to do it for now. I know I said I felt fine about it afterwards, but after a few days, I realized I really didn’t. You: I have to tell you something, and it’s really hard for me, and you will probably be upset. Well, sex together isn’t going as well for me as you think it is. A lot of what we do seems to be the things you like best, but not the things I do.But now that you know, can I tell you what I need some more of, and can we talk about how we might do things differently from here on out? Alternate Conversation: You: I want to talk to you about something that’s been bothering me, and it isn’t easy to talk about, but I need to. You: Well, I keep feeling like maybe you don’t understand that just because you’re finished with sex, that doesn’t mean I am.When we have sex together, it feels like it’s all about how or when you get off and not about me, too. I mean, you’re there and I’m touching you, aren’t I? I was teaching for two semester at community college so that’s where the photo was taken. Her: ha, ha, well suppose I am a private person and maybe I only want cute guys to see it. Better than posting trashy photos on myspace like so many girls do in this area. Her: Right, that’s why I am communicating with you.
I mean, I think it’d be great if from now on, you asked me more about what I like, and I promise that from here on out, when you ask, I’ll tell the truth, even if I think it’ll make you less happy than you might be if I didn’t.
And my feelings shouldn’t be hurt about what you like and you don’t: if they are, that’s my thing to deal with, not yours.
I don't have a disability, but there are plenty of things I can't do or which don't feel comfortable for me, too.
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