Child support payments are based on the cold hard numbers reported by both spouses in their tax returns. Like it or not, he has financial responsibilities in taking care of his kids, period.I would be gravely concerned about a man’s character if he did not want to fulfill those commitments. Whether he was the perpetrator of infidelity or the victim, the tailwinds of cheating bring an ugly stench to the divorce process.( still married; just saying…) Now before anyone accuses me of picking on men, let me hasten to say that separated women can be just as “challenging” to date as separated men.In fact, I pity any man who dated me when I was separated; I was messed up, and didn’t even know it!I also hasten to add that not separated man is disastrous to date – and should be considered as a unique individual.My concern, however, is that women are blindly and/or naively getting involved with separated men without understanding the huge risk: that is, . If your separated man consistently avoids talking about his divorce or says things to minimize or downplay it, consider it a warning sign worth flagging.The real reason his divorce hasn’t been finalized could be because of unfinished legal business. Often, his anger will be directed towards his wife – not necessarily through long rants but through small jabs, backhanded remarks and seething sarcasm disguised as humour.I remember one separated man I dated would seethe as he referred to his wife as the “Succubus” — she’s a demon that takes on a human form to sexually seduce men.
Two important warning signs to watch for are self-justification and blaming..” Getting involved with a separated man usually comes with a host of issues and complications that spell drama, stress and heartache to a woman.The bottom line is that going through a divorce requires a lot of him – he must grieve, heal, hash through legalities, potentially adjust to single parenting and financial limitations, as well as rediscover a new sense of who he is today.Accepting that that dream has died – and that he –is a painful process that requires the healing hands of time. It amazes me how many men are two, three, even important and it’s far more than “just a piece of paper.” In addition to providing some legal closure, it brings more emotional closure. Your separated man could be angry at many things: himself, a legal battle, women in general, even life.Throwing himself into dating or another relationship may temporarily make him feel better – but it only postpones the inevitable inner work that needs to be done. It symbolizes the completion of an old life – a finished chapter – as well as the freedom and independence to create a new future (ahem, a new relationship, possibly with you! Ask him this: If, in fact, the divorce decree isn’t a big deal (like he says), then why doesn’t he just get it done? Then ask him if he thinks it’s fair and reasonable to expect you to continue dating Hmmm… You know it’s possibly because he’s still emotionally “holding onto her”, too, right? If you pay attention, you’ll see flashes of it — in his eyes, his periods of silence or in his body language.More often than not, it’s anger, self-pity, and feelings of entitlement that fuel a man’s complaints over support. So if you decide to stick around, I’d recommend you prepare for more than a nose full.He might feel he deserves more of a say, more over how she spends the money, among other things. If he was the perpetrator: Though some experts say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater”, I personally think that some people can learn from past mistakes.Though his reasons for cheating were probably very valid and real to him, he and he alone decided to problem-solve his unhappiness by betraying his wife.If he continues to blame his wife and doesn’t express remorse, it means he hasn’t taken responsibility for his actions and will feel more entitled to cheat again (on you).And not to say that you aren’t special, but his infatuation with you has less to do with who you are than how this relationship is presently making him feel.Rest-assured, his garbage is going to come out – and lucky you, you’ll end up helping him sort it.