"Marriages that reach this place are toxic—you're no longer civil, and all discourse is either attacking or defending."It may sound hokey, but it's true: In healthily humming-along marriages, both partners work as a team on everything from parenting to running the household to supporting each other in career and personal ambitions.
"If you've both started moving in completely separate orbits, or if you're not working together on day-to-day issues, it's a sign of serious trouble," says Savage.
No matter what he or she says about the innocence of such a relationship, "nothing good can come out of it," notes Kaye.
A major part of marriage involves trying to fulfill your partner's needs while also making sure your own needs are met.
One of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage is mutual respect, says Savage.
But, says Alisa Bowman, author of , if one spouse repeatedly brings up an issue, asks for help, and makes it clear that the marriage will not last unless they both commit to solving it, and the other spouse refuses to go along, the marriage is in trouble.
"Look, there's a certain amount of work that a person has to do but if you see it's becoming more and more and more, and it continues to increase, especially over the holidays, that's called distancing," said Cardi.
When one partner is unwilling to spend any time for personal time for the two of you, she says, you have a problem.
"It's all about knowing good communication skills and how to resolve conflicts.
My research shows that 69 percent of divorcing couples have reported unresolved arguments which lead to feelings of hopelessness."Less face-to-face time, when it is intentional on one or both spouses parts, is strong indicator that a marriage is in jeopardy.