"One partner can't do all the trying on his or her own," says Bowman."You can't go anywhere like that." A good rule of thumb: If it's been a year with no progress, it may be time to call it quits.
When one partner is unwilling to spend any time for personal time for the two of you, she says, you have a problem.If you've reached a point where all you ever talk about is mundane things, like who needs to buy milk, divorce could be in your future, says Savage."Lack of personal, intimate exchange in a marriage is a very bad sign, especially if you are talking to others.""There is a definite lack of interest in sex and they don't communicate about it and don't do anything about it," says Dawn Cardi, a matrimonial lawyer of 28 years, currently in private practice in Manhattan., the arguments are redundant and never get resolved."If you don't spend any time together you can't have intimacy" she said."You can't just e-mail each other to keep your marriage together."From a lawyer's perspective, according to Cardi, the shifting around of accounts is far more telling than a spouse may let on.One of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage is mutual respect, says Savage.When that's gone—when one partner consistently feels dismissed, rejected, and condescended to (and the other partner doesn't see it or refuses to talk through it), you're in a bad place.No matter what he or she says about the innocence of such a relationship, "nothing good can come out of it," notes Kaye.A major part of marriage involves trying to fulfill your partner's needs while also making sure your own needs are met."People will come to me and say, 'My husband changed accounts.He's moving money.' That's a sign to me that he's already ready to get out of the marriage and move onto the divorce stage."According to Puhn, this is the most serious sign of all because daydreaming often happens right before the divorce.