I discussed this with one female roommate so far, who was equally horrified and livid when she read his stuff, and one male friend, who said, talk to your male friends. Be sure to sign up for my mailing list and join me in Buenos Aires to learn about the quirkyalone approach to life and relationships through tango in the Quirky Tango Adventure.
They’re much more similar in mindset to the men you are trying to date. Is there any validity to his advice and worldview, or is this just garbage?
I could see this was a psychological master who knew how to manipulate an audience.
The stock trade in any self-help e-book purchase is to tap into the reader’s insecurities and promise you have the long-sought-after answer.
— Ready to Make it Official JMAGIC: Before I answer your main question, I need you to realize something…
don’t ever and I mean ever try to use sex as a bargaining chip. I guess if you’re dating the kind of person whose actions are based solely on the amount of physical intimacy he does or doesn’t get, your strategy might work. Back to the issue at hand — how to initiate “the talk.” I’d say just do it. He doesn’t respond to your calls/texts/e-mails with as much enthusiasm as you respond to his.
But I have a feeling that it’ll get pretty old pretty quick having to keep everything ‘locked up’ just to get him to cut the grass or take out the garbage. You like to be pursued, but I think you should know that we, as guys, aren’t always in touch with those things called “feelings” so while we may be on the same page, we (guys) really don’t know how to bring this up besides agreeing with every single word you say when YOU bring it up. The more you push to spend time with him, the more he has to ‘work’ or responds with “ummm” or “ohh, uhhh”… BITTER GAY MARK: Eh, I think far too many women out there try to define their relationships far too early. Gee, that would sure be helpful to know…) My gut reaction is that if you are worrying it might be too early to have this conversation — then it probably is.
If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), or submit a question for advice.
In general, subvert any and all natural inclinations you may have as a woman, and pretend like nothing means really anything at all to you, or else any guy, anywhere, will run like the wind from you, because guys can’t stand a woman that harbors an actual emotion that might pertain to said guy. The whole thing consumed me for about 90 minutes and made me feel sick for several reasons.
I’ll admit that my feelings were not altogether rational at the time, but they were a product of being brainwashed by his mind-sucking prose: 1) The feeling that men and women are so irreconcilably different that we can never truly be ourselves with each other; anything that promotes this idea is just depressing.
Is it true that withholding sex until having “official” status might make him more likely to bring it up?
Are there signs that he is/isn’t ready to make it official?