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But if most commercially available male chastity devices aren't inescapable, what's the point? "And a partially removed device is awkward and uncomfortable." For many male subs and their Doms, the symbolism of a male chastity device is what matters most, not its inescapability.

And as with other forms of sex play and most aspects of healthy relationships, the honor system makes it work.

My partner did some investigating and learned that the only effective devices work with a Prince Albert piercing—a ring through the head of the penis that locks into the device, preventing the sub from pulling his cock out. I don't want to get my cock pierced and I've said so, but I haven't safe-worded on it. My partner made an appointment for a piercing three months from now, on our second anniversary.

She told me that we can cancel it if I can find an effective chastity device that doesn't require a piercing.

She comes from a very poor family, and going back home means sleeping in her grandma's living room. Tell her you appreciate the ways she's kicking in now—helping with groceries—but eventually she'll need to start kicking in on rent too, and then set a realistic date for her to start paying rent.

You also don't want her to feel so dependent on you that she can't end things if she needs to. Really Erotic Dalliances But, Um, Married Very bad.

You want her to be with you because she wants to be with you, not because she's trapped. In fact, REDBUM, I think you should be spanked for getting spanked behind your husband's back—then spanked again for getting spanked for getting spanked behind your husband's back.

You should also encourage her to think about getting her own place.

Not because you want to stop seeing her—you're loving it and loving her—but because a premature commitment (and cohabitating is a commitment) can sabotage a relationship.

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